Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
