I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize