Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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