Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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