Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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