Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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