I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize