I got her a Nickelback box set.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
