How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
