he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
