I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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