I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
