just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
