Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
