You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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