Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
