I got chris browned last night
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
