Sponge bath it is.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
