I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
