We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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