You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
