Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
