All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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