Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
