No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
