I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How external is "for external use only"?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
