look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
