it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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