I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
you never un-have a 4some
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
