maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
