I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
