Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize