Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
