i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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