i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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