On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
