i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
