ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
