I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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