All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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