i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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