BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
