I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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