'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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