I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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