So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize