I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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