Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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