I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
