oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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