I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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