I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's blow job season.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
