She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think your dad took our porno
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
