I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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