The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Two words: nipple clamps
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