I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
