Your face is a jimmy john
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
