So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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