Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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