this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
