I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
