my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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