Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize