So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Everclear isn't food dammit
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize