Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
