I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
