then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
