im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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