White coat. Heels.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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