I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
