Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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