It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So vagazzling was a success
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
