i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize