she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
