So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
