I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
