Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
