i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize