I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
