I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
