new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
