He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
