Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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