i think i recognize dicks better than faces
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
