have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
