She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
