You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
