sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
