you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
