She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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