I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
