Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
