Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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