somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
someone owes me an orgasm
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
