dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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