They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
