was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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