I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
