thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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