Can i not drive my cunt home
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
