I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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