Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
