I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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