Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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