I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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