well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
