I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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