Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
