Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
