You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
