Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
