He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
