so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
