My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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