Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
