tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
