i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize