He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
