I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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