i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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