so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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