respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
