i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
