who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
