I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
