Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
