Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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