shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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