thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
