I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
