Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
