i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
