Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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