it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
